I’m an Army Wife, and this means that my husband is periodically gone for indeterminate amounts of time. These Temporary Duty (TDY) assignments often happen at inconvenient moments, like two years ago when my parents were coming to visit and he turned in his leave papers and was turned down that very day because he was being sent to Africa. Sigh. He hasn’t had to leave very often, though, so I don’t complain, especially since I live in a community that has seen 3 deployments (one of them 15 months long) in 5 years.
He’s gone now, though. He’s “away” at “school” and yes, I’m deliberately being dodgy. It’s what happens when you are married to Sergeant OPSEC. (OPerational SECurity--I’ll try to translate new acronyms for any civilian readers, but forgive me if I forget.) This school is only seven weeks long, and in Army time seven weeks is nothing. In fact, I wouldn’t be writing about this TDY at all it if hadn’t been for Week 5.
Almost three weeks ago, on April 21, at about 9:45 in the morning, my grandmother died. I got the phone call--one I had been expecting and dreading for a few months--just before 5 PM because of the time difference between Texas and Europe. We were on the way to my daughter’s track practice, so I put off telling the kids until we got home. The three of us huddled on the couch and cried together.
I spent Friday in a blur of errands, cleaning, and laundry, helped by very good friends. I bundled the kids off to a friend’s house for the week, then returned home to an empty house to pack and sleep a little before catching a ride to a 4:00 AM bus to a 7:00 AM flight. Coffee is the most important meal of the day, yes?
The paperwork says that I flew for 18 hours on Saturday, but by the time I got to San Antonio I felt like I had been traveling for three days. My mom agreed--she insisted that it had been a month since last Thursday. It was good to be home, in spite of the reason, and in spite of lost luggage. Easter Sunday I went to church “by myself” (translation: no husband, no kids) for the first time in over ten years. I was with my mom, dad, and sister, but still felt very much alone. The whole day was just extremely odd. No dyed eggs. No baskets. Nothing normal. Just numbness and jet lag.
Grandmother’s memorial was on Monday afternoon. Most of us were still functioning in extreme slow time mode; by the time of the memorial, I could hardly believe that Easter had been just the day before. We found out many things about Grandmother at the memorial, some hilarious, some sentimental. I learned that she was saved as a little girl and her actions led to the salvation of her parents, and then eventually to my mother’s coming to know the Lord, which led to mine, which led to my daughter’s. Turns out in addition to her name and her affinity for pearls, I share her skill at the clarinet and her love of opera. Who knew?
The rest of the week was also very slow as my sisters, aunts, and I cleaned out Grandmother’s house. Each day lasted a week; the whole week seemed to last a year. I was sure my children would be as tall me when I got home. Fortunately this is not the case. My son is still small enough to turn upside-down and throw over my shoulder.
So that was Week 5. It’s been another week since then, a week that I have spent trying to process all these emotions--and more jet lag--and trying to decide if I am going to cry now or wait until my husband gets home. I’ve also been mostly unable to do much of anything else. I’ve been trying so hard to “keep it together,” that I am just exhausted. Anyway, I can only sit on the lid of my emotional suitcase for so long. If it explodes, it won’t be pretty. It’s much safer and less messy to unpack. Judging from the number of used tissues on the couch, I guess the time is now.
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Do I feel better? No--I have a crying headache, my nose is red, and my eyes are puffy. But I think my heart is a little less tight. God is my refuge and strength, my help and my comforter. Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. So many beautiful names for God that I have learned--it is so good to know that I can call on Him today.
I’m so thankful for the peace He brings, even if I don’t feel it quite yet. I know it’s coming, just like I know my husband is coming home next week.
