As you know if you’ve been following me, we recently moved from Italy to America. I’m tellin’ ya, folks, it ain’t been easy. The way the countries think, the way they are organized, the way the cities are planned, is so completely different in America and Italy I’m having more and more sympathy for my friends who came to Italy and said “I hate this country, it’s stupid.” This thought goes through my mind in relation to America two or three times a week. But here’s the important part.
God grew me a LOT while I was in Italy. Spending two and a half years on the book of Job will do that to a person, I guess. So I have this really bad attitude about moving to America. I am mature enough to recognize that I have a really bad attitude. But I also take comfort in Romans 8:1, which says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” This does not give me permission to wallow in my rotten attitude (unfortunately) but it means that God is not going to beat me up on the bad days as long as I am still looking to Him.
So where does the holding pattern theme come into play? A few weeks ago I had a “perfect storm” emotionally. SSG OPSEC returned from a TDY to DC (just seeing how many acronyms I can cram into one sentence...sorry); anyway, he told me that he probably is going to be deployed after all, and that he is having second thoughts over the looming re-enlistment next year. We had taken it for granted that we would be “lifers” with a long series of adventurous moves stretching out into the future. So it really rocked my world when he came home with the news of not only his leaving but also the potential loss of the future we thought we had. (I also freely admit that PMS played a large role in the perfect emotional storm.) We had planned on being in Clarksville for three years and teaching in our church, and if we don’t re-enlist we will most likely leave next year and that limits the kinds of ministry we can be involved in while we are here. A great many things fall away when you are suddenly leaving in one year instead of three.
My heart was so heavy that I could not even stand up straight. But it was Tuesday morning, so what else could I do but go to PWOC? I walked in with tears streaming down my face. “What’s wrong?” one of my new friends asked. “I hate it here and I want to go home.” “Where’s home?” “I...I...I don’t even know anymore. I kinda think it’s Italy.” I sobbed. Five women surrounded me and pulled me into one of the side rooms, where they prayed the grace and peace of Jesus over my soul. It didn’t take the problem away, because I didn’t have answers about the future, but I felt better. God’s good about that. He gives comfort even when he doesn’t give answers.
This past weekend I went to the PWOC International conference for the first time. I had been looking forward to this conference since Worship and Study in Germany last year. In fact, when SSG OPSEC told me that we were moving to Ft. Campbell, one of the first things I said was, “Ha! International is in Nashville, and that’s only about an hour away! I am going to conference! Whoo-hoo!!!” It was four days full of laughing, crying, meeting new friends, squealing “Oh, it’s so good to see you again!” and learning learning learning.
The last thing that happened was the installation of the new international board. The woman in each position spoke a Bible verse to the woman taking her place, and one of the verses was from the minor prophet of Habakkuk. Now, if you are quoting out of Habakkuk you are either hard up for inspiration or you have searched and searched for the exact right words to say. They were beautiful words indeed, and we were all blessed. I went home with my heart full and my brain overflowing, only to find out that the Beth Moore study on Deuteronomy was starting at church THAT NIGHT--I didn’t want to miss the beginning.
One of the verses Beth quoted was from the book of Habakkuk. Now, what are the odds that I would hear two women quote verses from Habakkuk on the same day, much less that they should be the SAME verses? But these were verses that I very much needed to hear, personally. Habakkuk 2:2-3 Then the LORD answered me and said, "Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run. "For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.”
SO...I still don’t have answers. For now, life is a holding pattern. I have some things to do, some small ministries to fulfill, a LOT of writing to accomplish while I am waiting for my bigger vision. It will certainly come, though it tarries. I will wait for it.
